Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Newt Newt Goes to the Moon!

Newt Gingrich’s emergence this year as a presidential candidate has been followed with controversy, confusion, and even comedy. But do not let this deter our country from realizing what we have on our hands here: Newt Gingrich is the President that this country needs. I know some people out there will be shocked, even offended, by this bold claim. However, Newt possesses one simple insight, one vision that this country needs to follow, and there is one reason why Newt is the man for the job. Two words people: LUNAR COLONY.

Oh yes, you have heard me correctly. Last week, Newt Gingrich spoke in front of a large crowd on Florida’s space coast about his plan to have a lunar colony established by his second term in office. Gingrich hopes to create incentives and prizes for private sector investors. He feels he can stimulate the same hype and fervor that the airline boom of the 1930’s created. To be fair, I believe the prize back then was $25,000 for Lindbergh to fly to Paris, not $250 million. Now let’s even forget how this country would pay for this and move onto the real greatness of this plan. Gingrich wants to create a colony of at least 13,000 people and apply for statehood. I know, the 51st state would be on the moon. Probably the coolest thing I could think of and this is where that true vision comes together. Many people in the media and politics have criticized Gingrich for turning this idea into a national joke, but Gingrich can see that earth is for the simple folk. People like Romney and Obama with their “big ideas,” Gingrich wants to go to the moon. BEAT THAT (future presidential nominee Romney and President Obama, sorry Newt, not gonna make this list this year)!

Although this goal is lofty, I believe Gingrich is able to see the big picture. If you can imagine for a moment, watching the super bowl while watching a meteor shower right above you (possibly plummeting to kill you) or enjoying a nice walk on a normal day in space, through some pastoral moon craters. This, my friends, is what America needs. Forget about the mounting debt that America is incurring daily, the record setting unemployment rates, the health care issues, or even the wars that America is still investing billion’s of dollars in. What America really needs is the first Space Explorer/President. Newt is going to take us to the moon, literally. I can see it now, Newt with his Darth Vador suit on at the United Nations playing with star wars action figures, while listening Ban Ki-Moon blabber on about some international crisis, all during his first term. Because we all know, this plan does not get really revved up until his second term. It’s a four-year wait I am willing to take part in.

With Newt running the show, my long time dream of playing golf on the moon is one step closer to reality. Now let us all do the prudent thing and put this visionary in the White House.

Newt Gingrich for President!

And just for fun, check out what SNL attempted to do to make fun of my main man Newt.

1 comment:

  1. I think it's great he's trying to be a little different, but at the same time I think it's somewhat comical to think that by his SECOND term he can create something so large in size. C'mon is it really that is to create a Lunar Colony? A good attempt at thinking outside the box, in my opinion

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